The Curious Case of Sewington Shutton
I know, lack of updates, yada yada yada. Sorry, folks.
Anyway, today’s missive comes to you courtesy of an issue that’s especially annoying today, but really has been plaguing me for quite some time. Why must the left rear pocket of my pants be sewn shut? Yes, I’m talking to you, Banana Republic. Are you afraid I’ll hurt myself? Carry too many things and thus cause my pants to fall down? Is this some sort of maniacal scheme to generate cargo pant sales? I simply don’t understand the purpose of making a fully functional pocket in a pair of pants, and then restricting access to said pocket.
I know what you’re all thinking, “isn’t this a diabetes blog, and shouldn’t this somehow relate to Harry and his non-functioning pancreas?” Well watch this: the “forbidden pocket” may not be an issue for the Average Joe, but with all of the extras required to manage this disease, pocket space is at a premium. I don’t like the idea of having my insulin pump clipped to my belt, so it always occupies the left front pocket. Right front is usually reserved for keys, pen, and the occasional tissue if my allergies aren’t behaving that day. And of course, my wallet is always in the right rear pocket because, well, because that’s where it belongs. So, that leaves only one pocket for the trusty iPhone. But wait! You can’t go in there! Sure, I could rip the stitches out with a seam ripper, but since I’m not my mother, I don’t have one of those. Could the iPhone go in one of the other pockets? I suppose it could, but I’d really prefer not to look like I’m smuggling rocks in from the jailyard for Andy Dufresne’s chess set.
Thanks goodness I have a wife to carry my meter case when we go out together, or I might have to resort to a fanny pack. But if anyone can pull that off, surely I…wait, no one can pull that off.
I feel like this is some sort of video game where I have to conquer all the other levels to unlock the mystical left rear pocket. Well, the other pockets are full, I’ve rescued the princess, now let me into the freaking castle!!!